My Process to Empowerment

I first want to start out by saying thanks to everyone who has taken the time to read my blog and share amazing words of encouragement. You have no idea how much I appreciate the support. Some of you that are reading this now know me personally and know how passionate I am about making women feel empowered however they choose to birth. My goal for this blog is to inspire, even just one women, to trust their bodies to give birth. To give them strength to go against the societal norm. You don't have to lay on your back during a normal labor, you don't need to be hooked up to a bunch of machines during a normal labor, and you can have a birth that is spiritual and empowering. You just need to have the knowledge and the support system in place.

With each one of my births I gained more knowledge and more strength as a women. I felt a deeper connection with my inner motherly goddess if you will. But with my last baby I felt that I needed to arm myself with as much knowledge and inspiration as possible.

So I set out and googled everything. From different labor positions to natural birth stories. I had never wanted something more in my life. I wanted a natural birth. I wanted to believe in my body. I knew that I was a strong person with a high tolerance for pain. I knew that I could do this. I watched so many natural births on YouTube. I would look at these "average" women next door type and would think to myself "If they could do it then why can't I."

So here I was huge and pregnant powered with knowledge. Ready to put my 9 months of studying to the test. Would I be able to achieve my goal to have a natural birth?

My water broke in the middle of the night. I called my midwife, then woke my husband. I paced my house eager for labor to start. My Mom and brother arrived around 5am. We decided to head to the hospital. There was no resting for me. I was so ready and eager to have this baby. I walked the halls, bounced on the ball. Squatted, pelvic tilts, the works. Nothing happened. Frustrating so frustrating. After about 8-9 hours after my water broke and no signs of contractions we decided that maybe my body needed a boost. So we started that awful pit drip.

So here I am again hooked up to machines with not much freedom, I am feeling defeated. But this time it was different. This time I had my support system. I had my daughter, who was only 5 at the time, encouraging me to keep moving. My mom staying positive. My husband, oldest son, and by brother all there for me to encourage me.

After 8 hours of pit and everything I could possibly do to get labor going nothing. My contractions would start but never got strong or stayed constant. It was hard for me emotionally to stay positive. In the back of my mind all I could think about was if something didn't happen soon they would make me have a c-section. I DID not want that. I knew I could birth a baby. My midwife decided to take me off of pit and let me get some rest. However I started doing marathon laps around labor and delivery. Breaking down often from fear and exhaustion. My husband looks at me and reminds me that I can do this and that my baby will come when he is ready. So I decided that I would get some sleep.

About 6am they came in for the second round of pit. I slept most of the morning waking fully around 9:30 am. The o/b that my midwife works under wanted to come in and check me. He told me that he just wanted peace of mind and that as long as mommy and baby looked good he was ok with allowing this to happen naturally. Once he checked me my baby moved just enough for him to find a second water sac. He looks at me and tells me that I will feel much better and should be having a baby soon.

Well things moved very quickly. Almost to quickly for me to comprehend and process this. 30 min after that water sac I was really really uncomfortable. I called  the nurse and told her I needed in the tub now!!! My midwife rushed in and checked me and I was at an 8cm. Off came the monitors and they tuned off the pit. Once in the tub I felt much better but not for long. I had a hard time trying to find a comfortable position. I felt so much pressure in my back. I hurt and I and was scared. I didn't know if I could do this. I didn't know if I could handle it. I started to panic , I felt like I was going to throw up. Everyone there reminded me that I could do this. I was ment to birth this baby. My husband, who was in the tub with me reminded me that I was the strongest person he knows. But I didn't believe it. I was scared that if the pain got worse I wouldn't be able to push my baby out. I begged for an epi. They told me that it was to late for that. I was so scared but no one gave up on me. They believed in me.

Every contraction got stronger and stronger. I felt the need to push. As I tried to fight it and tense my body up this sweet sweet voice was in my ear reminding to breath and release my tension. Soft sweet words from my nurse. Followed by words of encouragement from my midwife. Then it was like a light switch went on and I took control. I was no longer scared. I was determined. I felt like I needed to push. Not long hard pushes but short pushes. With each push came more reminders to breath and release the tensions  from my face. Reminders that I am doing great. Support from everyone .

I can't remember how long u pushed for. I know that it wasn't that long maybe 10 min. While my baby crowned my daughter who was right next to the tub the whole time, told me she could see his head.  She told me that I was doing great and to push him out. I could feel his head. One more push and he was here in my arms and perfect. I had done it. WE had done it. I couldn't believe it. So much emotion was running through my body. I was holding my baby that I fought for 2 days to give birth to was finally here. I had him in the tub with my family there. I asked my son if he wanted to cut the cord but he was to excited he said no. But my daughter was more than excited to do it.

I am so glad that we as a family were able to experience this together. I look back and wonder what was different with this birth. Why was I able to birth my biggest baby and longest labor naturally? The only change was I had empowered myself with as much positive knowledge and positive support. I had providers that were so positive and reassuring. I had family that didn't give up on me and that wouldn't let me give up on myself.

This is what every women deserves. Every women deserves to have that support. Unconditional emotional and physical support. They need their birth team. This is why I believe every women deserves a doula. This is why it is my mission to give that to as many women as I can. They need to be empowered and reminded that they are powerful and amazing. They need reassurance. Sometimes we as women don't have that support that why I am a doula in training. So they can have that support to have that empowering birth they deserve.